


Love Letters

by WhiskersandQuiff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Phandom Reverse Bang 2019, pride and prejudice au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskersandQuiff/pseuds/WhiskersandQuiff
Summary: If anyone had bothered to ask, Mr. Phil Lester would have told them that balls were tiresome and superfluous. One Mr. Daniel Howell, however, would make it all worthwhile.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Love Letters

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the [phandomreversebang](https://phandomreversebang.tumblr.com/)!Thank you to my beta [pasteldnp](https://pasteldnp.tumblr.com/) for being wonderful, as always! This is part one of two, which will be posted in about a week!  
> The amazing art for this fic is by et-in-cinerem-reverteris can be found [here](https://et-in-cinerem-reverteris.tumblr.com/post/190650100484/good-evening-everybody-here-is-my-art-for-this)!

If anyone had bothered to ask, Mr. Phil Lester would have told them that balls were tiresome and superfluous. Since he was a child, he had been subject to the whims of his mother at such events, dressing in stuffy clothing, standing perfectly still, and nodding politely along to conversations so dull it was a wonder he never fell asleep. She expected him to dance with as many women as possible, insisting that one day he would find the perfect wife during a lively Cotillion. Phil found it highly unlikely that he would ever have such an experience considering his affinity for the male sex, but of course he could not voice such a feeling to his mother. 

A hand on his arm jolted Phil from his brooding.

“Mary!” he scolded. “You startled me!”

His petite sister giggled an apology. “I called your name several times, Phil, this was the best I could do.”

Her wide smile was infectious, cutting through Phil’s frown until he was giggling, too. 

“What were you thinking of so firmly, brother dear?”

“Oh, just marking time until I can relax again. You know how anxious I get.”

Mary hummed and nodded, eyes grazing the room as she ignored the few brown curls that had come undone from her hair bouncing in her face. “Perhaps if you found a distraction you could better enjoy yourself. We both know how useless you are with dancing, so perhaps we can get you engaged in a diverting conversation.”

“Perhaps,” Phil begrudgingly agreed. He matched Mary’s example and surveyed the room, eying the women in frilly dresses and the men in stiff suits. None of them appeared particularly diverting.

Mary continued as though Phil had given an enthusiastic response. “There seems to be a young man over there who has no taste for dancing. Do you recognize him? I cannot recall ever seeing him.”

Phil followed her gaze across the crowded room to a tall man stood calmly in the corner. As he watched, a young woman approached him and said a few words, but swiftly turned away after a curt shake of the man’s head. 

“No, he is unfamiliar.”

“Well, then I must find someone to introduce us.”

“Oh, Mary, please-” Phil tried to object, but Mary had already taken him by the arm and pulled him along with her on her quest. Soon after, the host of the party was introducing them to one Mr. Daniel Howell.

Mr. Howell bowed with a nod, an action which Phil and his sister returned. 

“A pleasure, Mr. Howell,” Mary greeted. 

A quick glance in her direction confirmed Phil’s suspicions: his sister was flushed with affection. He would have scoffed internally had he not felt the same way.

Mr. Howell was as tall as Phil himself, if not taller, with a delicate array of chocolate curls atop his head. His features were soft in a way that begged Phil to reach out a hand to him, his dark eyes drawing Phil in immediately. 

Phil did not notice how long they had been silently appraising each other until another young man came and asked Mary for a dance, breaking the spell. Mary left with a coy smile tossed in Phil’s direction, and then Phil was alone with the beautiful Mr. Howell. 

Mr. Howell cleared his throat. “Mr. Lester, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“The same to you, Mr. Howell.” 

“Forgive me if this is too forward, but please call me Dan.”

With an effort, Phil managed to conceal his shock. That was _quite_ forward, but not undesirable. The familiarity it implied was what Phil longed to share with this man, no matter the consequences. 

Recovering quickly, Phil smiled shyly and nodded. “As you wish, but I ask that you call me Phil, in return.”

Dan’s answering smile sent Phil’s heart fluttering. A deep dimple showed itself on Dan’s cheek for the brief moment he smiled and Phil found himself longing to see it again.

“I only arrived here a few days ago,” Dan began. “May I assume you have lived here a while?”

Phil nodded again. “All my life, actually, with a few interruptions spent in the city. Where are you arriving from?”

“London. I purchased the Langdon estate as a summer residence to get away from the busy city, although it would not surprise me if I stayed even through the winter.”

“Oh, I had heard of someone arriving at Langdon. It will make a good change to have someone there again,” Phil commented absently. He was preoccupied with the idea of Dan staying so close for so long; it was a wonderful yet daunting thought as he remembered how little hope there was of anything happening between them. “My family is at Reddale, rather close to Langdon.”

Dan seemed pleasantly surprised at this. “Delightful. Perhaps we can visit each other frequently. I need to build my friendships in the area, after all.” 

“Of course. Are you well acquainted with anyone here?” Phil briefly pulled his gaze away from the enchanting man next to him to look out over the crowd, as if that would give him his answer.

“I am afraid not. The host and I met in town not long ago and invited me, but I otherwise only know those I have met tonight. As yet, I believe you are the best company I could have found,” Dan replied casually, sending a charming smile towards Phil.

A flush rose to Phil’s cheeks. He prayed Dan would believe it was due to the heat in the room rather than the flattery. Before he had a chance to respond, however, his mother appeared at his elbow.

“Philip, my darling, it seems you have found an engaging young man! You must introduce me at once,” she insisted.

Phil shrunk in on himself at the hasty interruption. With a glance at Dan, he saw that his mother’s lack of manners had not passed unnoticed. Dan’s pleasant demeanor of the past few minutes had completely changed; his bright eyes had dulled to a cold glare, his jaw had clenched, and the dimple had vanished. 

Phil cleared his throat. “Mother, this is Mr. Howell, recently of Langdon. Mr. Howell, this is my mother, Mrs. Lester.” He caught a surprised glance from Dan at the use of his surname when Phil addressed him. He thought Dan might even seem hurt, if he looked far enough into it. But the look was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

Dan gave Mrs. Lester a curt bow of his head. “Ma’am.” 

Mrs. Lester curtsied. “Mr. Howell. How long have you been of Langdon?”

“A few days, ma’am.”

“Oh, indeed! We are of Reddale, not far from Langdon. You must visit us sometime, truly.”

“Your son was telling me the same before your interruption, yes.”

The conversation halted into a clumsy silence. Phil felt the awkwardness rising as his mother visibly searched for something to say and Dan stared stoically in the direction of the dancers.

“Have you met my daughter, Mary? She is just over there, in the lovely light blue dress.”

“Yes, I did.”

Phil could feel the flush still present on his face, though now it was not from the flirtations. Rather, it was now from embarrassment because of what he knew was about to come from his mother.

“She is a very fine dancer and a pleasant conversationalist.” As she spoke, the music ended. “Ah, here.” She waved at Mary. “Mary, dear! Come here!” she called across the room, disturbing several nearby conversations. 

Phil chanced a look at Dan in time to see an expression of utter disdain grace his face. He could understand why, as his mother continued to embarrass the family as she managed to gain his sister’s attention, but he so hated when others passed judgment on his mother. She was eccentric, to be sure, but who was this man to think himself so far above her? 

Mary soon arrived at their sides. She exchanged a glance with Phil, who could immediately see his shame reflected in her. She curtsied. “Mr. Howell, Phil, Mother.”

“You were lovely in that dance, my dear. Such a fine dancer.” Mrs. Lester shot Dan a pointed glance. “Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Howell? A young man such as yourself would be well-matched with my daughter as a partner.”

Phil choked back his shock. His mother often spoke out of turn, but this was more overt than even she frequently managed. He looked at Dan again to see a carefully neutral, though tense, expression.

“Indeed, madam.” He turned stiffly towards Mary. “May I have the next dance, Miss Lester?”

Mary curtsied. “Of course, Mr. Howell.” 

As the pair made their way to the other dancers, Phil turned to his mother. 

“I thought that went rather well,” she muttered with a sly smile. 

“That was atrocious!” he whispered back. “What on earth possessed you to speak so pressingly?”

“Philip! Whatever do you mean?”

“You know well what I mean, Mother,” Phil said sternly. “Could you not see Mr. Howell’s distaste?” 

“Silly boy, that hardly matters! He has not danced with a single girl this night except our Mary! I have heard he is a man of great fortune, oh, what a match he would make.” 

“You are too forward. Look at the pair; he is stiff as a board. He only asked her to dance because of your interference, which he clearly did not appreciate.” 

“Ah, but one dance with our charming Mary will be more than enough to make up for my actions. You remember how your father and I met, of course. I was none too thrilled about his manners and appearance at first, but-”

“But you shared a dance and fell in love at once and have been happy ever since, yes, Mother, I know, but-”

“This will do the job, Philip, you can be sure of that.”

Phil sighed in frustration. “I do not care for how he acted around you. He thinks himself above you.” 

“He seems a pleasant young man. You must spend more time with him and get better acquainted, that will do the trick.” 

The dance ended before he could reply, and soon Dan had deposited Mary back to them. 

“Thank you,” he said to Mary, bowing slightly. He met Phil’s eye a moment, seeming as though he might say more, but apparently thought better of it. He bowed once more and left their company.

“How was it, Mary? Do tell,” Mrs. Lester eagerly asked as soon as Dan was out of earshot.

“Rather awkward, I fear, but he seemed to get on fine with Phil, a few moments ago.” She smiled playfully at him.

“Oh, do not despair, my dear, he shall see sense soon!” their mother insisted. 

“I am quite tired, Mother. May we leave?” Phil interrupted, wishing to put an end to the discussion of the quiet Mr. Howell.

“My poor dear, of course we may. I must say my goodbyes first, and then we will be on our way.”

A few minutes later, Phil had swept his mother through all her friends and their acquaintances and pushed her out the door, relieved to be on their way home at last. He could put the whole business of Mr. Howell behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mr. Howell was such a splendid young man, was he not?” Mrs. Lester asked the drawing room a few days after the ball. She rested her embroidery on her knee to reminisce, staring up towards the ceiling with a faraway look in her eye.

Phil knew better than to respond; this was a rhetorical question for the beginning of a long-winded description of his mother’s fantasies of Mary courting Dan. It had been happening daily since their fated meeting and Phil had long since grown weary of it. 

“Yes, Mother,” Mary agreed with a barely-concealed sigh; Mrs. Lester did not notice, but Phil certainly did, and he shot Mary a supportive smile before returning to his book.

Ten minutes later, his mother had grown more passionate about the subject, as she was wont to do about anything and everything on any given day. But Phil could no longer keep his silence on the matter when her latest delusions brought his attention away from his reading. 

“And he was such a _kind_ young man, as well, treating me with the utmost politeness-”

Phil scoffed. “How could you say such a thing, Mother?”

Mrs. Lester started, turning to look at Phil as if she had forgotten he was in the room. “I beg your pardon?”

“Mr. Howell was terribly rude. I daresay he found you to be the last person he could ever want to speak to again.”

“But how is that? He was wonderful-”

“No, Mother, he was not. Did you not see his face as you spoke? Or how unfeeling he was when dancing with Mary? Did you fail to notice how he neglected to so much as bid us farewell after their dance, instead fleeing the ball altogether?” Phil had thought about this extensively since the ball and made himself quite agitated. 

“Oh, my darling, you are too anxious! There is surely an explanation for all that. You are simply a victim of your own prejudice,” she declared. “You will have to set that aside when he and Mary grow closer.”

“I hardly believe that will happen!” Phil exclaimed. “He had no interest in her.” He glanced at Mary, who appeared unbothered, but apologized nonetheless. “I _am_ sorry, Mary, but it is what I believe. And given Mr. Howell’s rude behavior, I cannot find it in me to regret it much. I cannot stand him.”

“Philip! You are not well enough acquainted with him to make such accusations. Oh!” She shifted in her seat, suddenly excited. “I have had the most wonderful idea! You must write Mr. Howell a letter requesting a visit to Langdon so you might get to know him better. Then, you shall see that he is quite charming and fit for our Mary!” 

“Mother, I hardly think that-”

“No, no, Philip, I refuse to hear anything to the contrary! You will write and send this letter at once, for there is not a moment to lose!”

Knowing there would be no changing her mind, Phil stood up with a sigh. “As you wish, Mother.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Phil, a letter arrived for you,” Mary called as she entered the study where Phil had been reviewing finances with their father. 

“A letter?” he asked, confused. He had only sent his own letter to Dan a few hours ago and so assumed it would be from someone else, but he could not think of who else it might be. 

“Yes, addressed from Mr. Howell,” Mary replied, handing over the unopened letter. 

He blinked in surprise. He had not expected a response so soon.

Upon opening the letter, he found a reply to his request to visit Langdon. 

_Dear Phil,_

_It would be my greatest pleasure to receive you here at Langdon. I have been wondering in earnest when we might see each other once again, as I enjoyed our time together immensely. You may come for dinner at the start of next week. I beg you to stay at least a fortnight, but you of course may stay however long you wish and are welcome at any time._

_Sincerely,_

_Dan_

Phil was surprised at the response; it seemed uncharacteristically enthusiastic. Of course, from their initial conversation Phil had gathered that Dan was a man of wit and energy, but his reaction to his family had seemed to extinguish any pleasant feelings Dan may have had towards Phil. Perhaps his mother was right; it was possible that he had been too hasty to judge Dan. Now, he could look forward to improving his opinion of the young man.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was decided that Phil would stay at Langdon for the fortnight Dan requested. When Phil told his mother, she had been quite beside herself with excitement. She babbled on and on about how wonderful this would be for the family, as surely the connection between her darling Philip and this handsome Mr. Howell would lead to a worthy match between her beautiful daughter.

Phil had, of course, let her speculate and fantasize despite his discomfort. He was still uncertain of his feelings towards Dan and would rather not race ahead to any conclusions, least of all about the future of his sister. On the prescribed day, a carriage from Langdon arrived to bring Phil to the estate. As he boarded, his mother nagged him with several reminders to be charming and mention his delightful sister in every possible conversation. Phil endeavored to be a good son and helpfully nod along, but he doubted his success.

Luckily, Langdon was only a short ride from Reddale, leaving Phil little time to anxiously ponder what might transpire during his time with Dan. Upon approach, the carriage rose up onto a tall hill from which he could see the estate. The great stone manor stood at the crest of a hill overlooking a large garden that featured a handsome lake. There was a lovely grove on one end of the spring that Phil found himself wishing to lie under to laze about on a hot day in the shade. He knew that at the very least he would spend this fortnight admiring the wondrous beauty of the landscape of Langdon.

Soon after, the carriage halted at the door of the manor. In an instant, Dan appeared to greet Phil. He wore a fine overcoat of dark green velvet over a set of tan trousers that perfectly accentuated his legs. His curly hair looked soft as it fluttered in the breeze, while a dimple made an appearance on his flushed cheek, forcing Phil to fight a swoon. It had not been long since their last meeting, but evidently it had been long enough for Phil to forget how handsome Dan was.

"Mr. Lester, welcome! I trust the journey was not too strenuous?"

Phil wondered at the address; would he no longer be allowed to call his host by his first name? He put it from his mind for the moment, but tucked the thought away to consider at a later hour.

"Thank you, it was pleasant. The view from the last hill is truly striking!"

"Indeed, it is. And the weather is perfect for viewing it. Once you have settled, perhaps we can stroll through the grounds. For now, however, we will go inside. I have to orient you, of course."

Phil nodded and followed Dan into the manor. He had to try not to gawk at the magnificent great hall with its intricate woodwork, dark marble, and fine tapestries. From a glance, Phil could see one such tapestry depicted a young man with an eagle in the sky with the other tapestries similarly telling tales from ancient civilizations. He resolved to take a closer look later in his stay.

Dan led him through a series of winding corridors with prominent windows through which the daylight poured. At length, they arrived at the room where Phil would be staying. A footman delivered Phil's bags soon after.

"I hope this is satisfactory. If there is anything you need or wish, I will have it brought to you immediately," Dan said with a nod.

The room was extravagant, with a soft rug and a large four-poster bed. Floor-to-ceiling windows lined one of the walls while another held a delicately-carved mantel around a fireplace. Phil's family certainly was not poor, nor was their house plain, but the beauty of the Langdon manor was a sight to behold and left Phil rather breathless.

Upon realizing it had been several seconds too many since Dan had last spoken, Phil recovered with an easy smile and a nod.

"Yes, this is terrific. Thank you, Mr. Howell."

Dan's smile slipped a fraction. "There really is no need to call me that. As I said when we met, 'Dan' is just fine. It is, in fact, my preference, if you please, Mr. Lester."

A sense of relief flooded Phil; it seemed Dan had simply been overly formal before.

"Of course, Dan, and I ask that you call me 'Phil' again in return."

Dan's smile brightened once more. "As you wish, Phil." He said "Phil" with a sort of reverence Phil had not expected, but he loved it all the same.

The pair left the room so Dan could show Phil how to get around the manor. He added some personal details, such as the rooms that were his favorite for an afternoon of reading or lounging in a patch of sun. As they wandered, Phil remembered their first conversation at the ball. They had talked for some time and enjoyed each other immensely, but the end had been quite off-putting. As charming as Dan was now, Phil told himself to keep in mind his attitude towards his family. A man who scorned friendly faces was not the sort of man with whom Phil wanted to associate.

They soon found themselves pacing the grounds of the estate, taking in the soothing air and gentle breeze. The grove of trees was much closer to the manor than Phil had originally believed upon his first view of the estate from the carriage.

"This is why I came here out of London," Dan said conversationally. "I have found it difficult to stay productive in such a grey city, but here? The open countryside, the calm woods- they are much more conducive to a happy life. The sun chases away the most dismal of days."

Phil nodded pensively, reaching out to touch a low-hanging branch as they passed a tree. "Yes, and the air here is surely fresher. That does me a lot of good, I believe."

Dan immediately agreed. "There is a growing smog in London that is impossible to avoid. None of it is good for maintaining a healthy mind. When I stay in London, my thoughts are hazy and unclear. It is as though a cloud settles in my heart and refuses to be blown away. That still has happened here, on occasion, though not as frequently and never for as long as it did in London."

This was curious to Phil; never before had he heard someone so freely discuss the workings of their mind, especially the more distressing parts. He hoped that he might someday feel that same comfort in sharing his own thoughts, as his anxieties could overwhelm him at times. Until then, he satisfied himself with listening to Dan's.

"What do you think about when that happens? If I may ask, that is."

Dan smiled softly, turning his head to gaze at Phil for a moment. "You may ask me anything."

The soft assurance paired with Dan's gently content expression made Phil's breath catch. Before he could dwell on his ponderings, however, Dan looked away and continued.

"It varies. Sometimes, I can easily define the concern as loneliness or fear for the future, but other times it is too vague to say. Most often, I contemplate the nature of existence and the ephemerality of life. We are born to die after only a short time on this green earth, so do our actions truly matter? It is a question I have struggled with for several years now as I have tried to find ways to fill my time. I have the great privilege of my standing and could use it for some good, but what good should I use it for? Of course, this is all complicated by my considerations of the meaninglessness of life, as well." Dan paused, his cheeks darkening. "Forgive me, that must have been unexpected."

Phil shook his head, a fond smile gracing his features. "Unexpected, yes, but not unwanted. I see you have a great deal of thoughts about this and I would love to hear more. You could keep pace with Socrates himself."

Dan ducked his head in embarrassment. "You flatter me. Surely, you would rather talk of something else, something less melancholy."

They approached a stone bench at the spring's edge. Dan gestured to it, and they sat down.

"I cannot think of anything, no. If you wish, however, we may move on." Privately, Phil wished they would stay on this subject a long time. He enjoyed hearing the innermost thoughts of his companion. Perhaps such thoughts were what had caused his poor treatment of Phil's family a few nights previous; if Phil considered similar thoughts, he supposed he would be distracted from proper etiquette, as well. His mother may have been right about his misjudgment of Dan.

"What about yourself? It seems as though I know little about you."

"I fear I do not have as grand thoughts as you," Phil said, attempting to brush off the attention, though he appreciated it. He rather liked that Dan wanted to get to know him better.

"Oh, come now. My thoughts are not so grand as you think, and even so I would much rather hear about whatever thoughts you have."

Phil blushed. "If you insist. As you might remember from the ball, I have a sister. She is my only sibling and is very dear to me," he began. In the back of his mind, he remembered his mother's instructions to talk about Mary as much as he could. He supposed he was starting to fulfill that request, although that was not his intention. In fact, the more he spoke with Dan, the less he wanted to talk about her; he would much rather endear himself to Dan, even to the point where Dan might forget Mary existed at all in favor of Phil himself.

Dan listened attentively to Phil talk about his family, asking questions on occasion about how they spend their time together or whether he and his sister were close. This posed such a contrast to his treatment of Phil's family at the ball that he believed his most recent assessment must be true. The night of the ball, Dan had been too distracted to be as polite as was expected. It was through no fault of Dan's, and so Phil was quick to forgive. Phil could now spend the remainder of his time with Dan building their friendship and enjoying his company.

The rest of the afternoon passed much the same; pleasant and amusing conversation characterized the whole interaction straight through dinner and left Phil feeling happy and content as he went to bed later that night.

The next morning, Dan invited Phil to join him on his morning ride. Phil was not the most fond of horses, but he had come to spend time with Dan and so decided it would be best to join him.

“I will warn you,” Phil informed Dan, “that I am absolutely rubbish with horses. If you intend to go galloping off, it would be best for me to stay safely on the ground.” 

Dan let out a loud laugh, looking immediately embarrassed at the sound as soon as it left him. Phil, however, saw nothing to be embarrassed about; Dan’s laugh was actually quite charming. 

Dan cleared his throat, cheeks still flushed. “We can maintain a slower pace, of course, and you can borrow my calmest horse.”

As they approached the stables, Phil felt his nerves grow. Horses never liked him, calm or not. But he had agreed to try, so he told himself to breathe steadily and remember that Dan would look after him.

The horse Phil would borrow was short and a deep brown with a few splotches of white. As he and Dan approached, the horse lifted its head lazily, snorted once, and returned to eating its hay. 

“This is Sir Peppers,” Dan told Phil. He reached a hand to Sir Peppers’ snout and gently pet his cheek. “Go ahead, he is very gentle.” 

Cautiously, Phil placed a hand on Sir Peppers’ neck. The horse did not react in the slightest, so Phil felt comfortable brushing his hand along the soft fur. Soon enough, Dan helped Phil climb up into the saddle, albeit gracelessly. Dan mounted his own horse, a beautiful speckled grey thing called Sir Winston, and they set off together down a well-worn path through the woods on the Langdon estate. 

“Are all your horses knighted, Dan?” Phil asked once he had settled into a rhythm.

Dan’s cheeks flushed. “I wondered if you would ask. None have been officially knighted, but I like the idea of such a noble animal having a title fit for its status.”

Phil suspected that Dan was not telling the whole truth. “Is that all? That seems rather unlike you.”

“You are too perceptive for your own good,” Dan remarked with a sigh. “I find it deeply amusing to refer to animals as one would a human. It makes for interesting conversation.” 

Phil cocked his head. “How so? If you were reluctant to tell me, surely you do not discuss the reasons for your horses’ names?” 

Dan laughed. “That is correct. I rarely have to give the true reasons. Instead, I may casually say ‘I went for a ride with Sir Winston’ and only I would know that I mean a horse and not some distinguished man. Being in the know about something so trivial is a wonderful way to amuse oneself at a ball.” 

Phil considered this for a moment, then laughed. “Yes, I imagine it would be.”

Suddenly, Sir Peppers and Sir Winston stopped, unprompted by either rider, totally stiff. In an instant, Sir Winston reared up, neighing loudly, as Dan desperately clung on and Sir Peppers turned back the way they had come and dashed off much faster than the rate for which Phil was prepared. 

“Whoa! Stop, Sir Peppers, please stop!” Phil shouted frantically, doing his best to control the horse. Sir Peppers made his way out of the woods, ignoring Phil’s pleas, and did not stop until he had reached the stables. Phil, who had quickly abandoned his attempts at control in favor of hugging the neck of the horse, barely registered that the world had stopped racing by. “Stop, please stop,” he whispered, eyes clenched shut. His voice was shaky and his breathing heavy. Dimly, he recognized the sound of his name.

“Phil!” Dan cried as he approached. He had quickly gotten Sir Winston to calm and had immediately turned around to follow Phil and Sir Peppers. “Phil, are you alright?” 

Phil could not bring himself to answer. He was still holding tightly to Sir Peppers’ neck and whispering his pleas. 

Dan jumped down from his horse and rushed over. He placed a calming hand on one of Phil’s arms, softly hushing Phil when he started at the touch.

“Shhh, Phil, the horse stopped. Everything is alright. Can you breathe for me? Slow, deep breaths, come on.” Dan gently stroked Phil’s arm, whispering soft encouragements until Phil opened his eyes. “Hello,” he whispered, smiling worriedly at Phil. “Can you relax your arms? I will help you get down.”

Phil tensed again at the reminder that he was still on a horse, his breath coming faster once again.

Panic flashed in Dan’s eyes for a moment, but he quickly recovered. “He won’t move. I have you, alright? Breathe with me again, yes, there it is. Come on, you can get down.” 

Phil nodded jerkily and relaxed his arms enough to dismount directly into Dan’s arms. Out of a sense of propriety, he just barely refrained from throwing himself totally into Dan, but that was quickly abandoned as Dan wrapped his arms tightly around Phil’s torso and pulled his head down to rest in the crook of Dan’s neck. 

“Keep breathing with me, Phil, everything is alright. You’re safe on the ground now.” 

If Phil had had the faculties to make observations, he would have been surprised at Dan’s familiar behavior, yet grateful for the comfort. Dan’s arms were strong, but they held him delicately, and the scent on his collar would have had him swooning if he were not otherwise occupied. 

Several minutes passed in this manner as Phil overcame his terror. He at last regained his senses and stepped back from the embrace awkwardly. Before he could speak, Dan cut in.

“Are you alright? A snake scared the horses. I never would have suggested we ride if I knew that would happen, but it is such a rare occurrence-”

“It is not your fault, Dan, I understand,” Phil interrupted. While the embrace had helped soothe his racing mind, Dan’s rapid-fire words were threatening to set them off again. He trained his gaze firmly on the ground and focused on his breathing.

“Come, we should go indoors. You look rather pale,” Dan suggested. He reached behind Phil and took his elbow in a loose grasp, guiding him slowly to the door of the manor. 

“Only ‘rather pale’? I believe most would describe me as ‘ashy’ at the best of times,” Phil joked weakly, still staring at the ground and watching it change from dirt to smooth stone. 

Evidently, Dan was too full of worry to appreciate Phil’s humor. However, he said something that had Phil forgetting all about the horses.

“It is true that your complexion is generally incredibly light, but I find the unusual shade quite compelling.”

Phil looked up in surprise to see a blush burn on Dan’s cheeks, though the other man kept his gaze stubbornly averted. Did Dan mean what he implied? If he truly found Phil’s complexion compelling, there was a chance that the affections Phil had developed were shared. 

“The present tone, in contrast, has me worried for your health. Here, sit in the drawing room and I shall fetch you some water.” Dan led Phil into the spacious room and directly to a plush chaise lounge, where he finally released Phil’s arm. “I will return momentarily. You are not to move in the meantime, do you understand? Make yourself comfortable and rest.” 

Dan dashed out of the room, leaving Phil alone. Now that the movement had slowed, he felt quite tired. The anxiety had taken its toll and left him exhausted. He leaned back to lie down, continuing to breathe slowly but now with his eyes closed. For a moment, he worried that this position would be too improper, but he remembered Dan’s instruction to make himself comfortable and the concern melted away in the face of another wave of weariness. He was unsure of how long it would take for Dan to return, so he used the time to reflect as his body relaxed further. 

Phil’s episodes of this heightened anxiety had never happened so visibly in the presence of anyone who was not in his family, a fact for which he was grateful. He had always anticipated humiliation in response to such an event. Yet despite how shameful Phil’s reaction to the horses’ fear had been, Dan had yet to mock him. Instead, he had been purely encouraging and kind, helping Phil to work through his fear and make his way to safety. Phil had to stop himself from considering Dan as a knight in shining armor from all his gallant behavior.

“Phil?” Dan mumbled after a few minutes had passed. He put his hand on Phil’s arm.

Phil started, removing his arm from his eyes and looking at Dan. 

“Sorry!” Dan exclaimed. “I did not intend to startle you. I brought you some water. Are you feeling any better?”

“Yes, thank you.” Phil sat up slowly and told himself not to feel embarrassed at being caught in such a casual pose; Dan had explicitly instructed him to be comfortable and he looked far too worried to be offended. 

Dan filled a glass with water from the pitcher and passed it to Phil, then joined him on the chaise, watching him closely. Phil felt his heart flutter at the care Dan was taking for him and the intensity of the concern in his eyes. He took a sip of the water.

“I cannot possibly stress enough how sorry I am to have caused you such discomfort,” Dan began.

“Dan, please,” Phil interrupted. “You have made your regret very clear, and I appreciate it, but it is unnecessary. It was not your fault, and I fear I rather overreacted.”

“Of course not!” Dan insisted. “One cannot always control their emotions, and that is nothing of which to be ashamed.”

Dan was so emphatic in his opinion that Phil was taken aback. Perhaps his companion was correct; at the very least, Phil allowed himself to relax in the knowledge that he had not put Dan off their growing friendship. 

At Dan’s insistence, they passed the remainder of the day indoors alternating between familiar conversation and reading quietly. The calm atmosphere helped Phil recover from the morning ride, and he eventually went to bed completely at ease. Just before he retired to his room, Dan assured him that he would not be taking his customary ride the following morning and instead invited Phil to accompany him on a short turn about the grounds. Phil readily accepted, looking forward very much to spending more time with Dan.

~~~~~~~~~~

They passed the next several days in much the same way, simply enjoying each other’s company through a series of walks, suppers, and tranquil evenings. They grew closer in this time with anecdotes about suffering through balls and making polite conversation with gentlemen far too proud for their station. Their connection was characterized by progressively flirtatious interactions, each leaving Phil more infatuated. By his eleventh day at Langdon, Phil’s original dislike of Dan had long been forgotten.

As it happened, Dan had a small boat for the lake on the estate and he invited Phil to sail with him on this day. Phil had found it difficult to refuse any of Dan’s requests since their first interaction, and accordingly he immediately agreed. They set off with a few provisions for a small luncheon on the water. 

Dan clumsily controlled the boat, clearly unaccustomed to rowing, as Phil stifled a laugh. It was clear that Dan had a destination in mind and he was concentrating very hard. His brows were furrowed and his dimples were popping from his cheeks. All Phil desired was to rub away the tension from Dan’s face and caress those pretty, soft cheeks. He refrained from making a rash decision such as that, however, by turning his attention to the scenery. 

The lake was situated in the midst of a copse of tall trees with their branches hanging over the water, creating a delicate landscape with a feeling of privacy, though the manor was partially visible through the branches.

“It is quite beautiful here,” Phil commented when Dan had successfully maneuvered the boat to the center. He graciously pretended not to have noticed Dan’s struggles with the boat. 

“Yes, it is,” Dan replied softly. 

Phil returned his gaze to Dan only to find him already looking his way, a fond, flushed expression fixed on his face. Phil’s cheeks flushed to match his companion’s as Phil turned away from the intensity. 

They sat in silence for several minutes to admire the view, although Phil felt Dan’s eyes on him for most of this period. Finally, they broke the silence to eat the bread they had brought along. 

“Thank you for visiting me,” Dan said after a few bites. “It has been most agreeable to have you here.”

Phil quirked an eyebrow. “You speak as though you are saying goodbye, but I am not due to return home for another three days.”

Dan nodded. “I know. I only felt that I ought to tell you. I am grateful for your presence and have greatly enjoyed your company. Our friendship is such that it feels as though I have known you for far longer than I have.” 

“I feel the same,” Phil reassured him. “I cannot think of a time I have connected so well with another person, least of all in so short a time.” 

They ate quietly for a few more minutes. Phil looked at the trees for some time and turned back to Dan, who quickly turned his gaze to pretend he had not been caught staring. Phil wondered at this; was he something worth staring at in Dan’s eyes? He certainly thought that of Dan. 

Dan shifted his long legs to stretch out somewhat in the cramped space of the boat, then cleared his throat. 

“Phil, I- I have something I wish to tell you,” he began. 

Phil grew concerned as Dan avoided his eye. He had never seen Dan visibly nervous. Silence stretched for several seconds until Phil gently nudged Dan with his knee. 

“Of course, Dan. You may tell me anything.” Phil smiled through his anxiety. 

Dan returned the smile briefly, though his expression fell back to one of concentration. 

“I fear that what I have to tell you will alter your opinion of me,” he murmured. “You may find it… difficult, I suppose, to maintain our friendship.”

Phil shook his head. “I find that unlikely. As I said, I have grown fond of you.”

A smile shortly graced Dan’s features, though his dimples did not appear and his eyes remained trained on his knees.

“It is not easy for me to say, but I cannot imagine it will become any easier with time.” Suddenly, Dan looked up and locked eyes with Phil, gaze unwavering. “Phil. You are a remarkable man, kind and with a wonderful sense of humor. I feel drawn to you more strongly than I have ever felt drawn to a person in my life.” He paused, taking a steadying breath. Phil was fixed in place in shock, hardly able to breathe. “Your beauty overwhelms me. I am well beyond fond of you in a manner in which others may not approve nor understand, but I can keep to myself no longer.”

As Dan finished, Phil felt his heartbeat racing. He knew he felt the same, though he had never dared dream that their feelings might be aligned. His thoughts were flustered and unfocused; he could not seem to find a suitable response to Dan’s declaration and instead sat in awed silence.

Time crept by until Dan broke the silence once more. “Please, say something, even if it is only to rebuke me,” he pleaded, pain written on his face.

Dan’s words shocked Phil from his trance. He gracelessly pitched forward to grasp Dan’s hand in his own. “Rebuke you? How could I, when I am the same? You are the loveliest man I have ever known.” 

Phil raised a trembling hand to Dan’s cheek, brushing his thumb along the cheekbone as Dan’s eyes widened. Dan’s free hand rested atop Phil’s on his cheek. They drew closer together, breaths mingling, until their foreheads touched. Phil’s gaze was fixed on Dan’s soft-looking lips, hesitant to make the next move. Dan seemed of the same mind for a long moment before he finally tilted his head to gently press his lips against Phil’s. He pulled back after a few seconds, though Phil followed the movement to reconnect the kiss for a longer moment.

They pulled back not much later, their smiles too wide to continue, though they remained in a close embrace.

“You truly think I am beautiful?” Phil whispered into Dan’s lips.

“Without a doubt,” Dan replied. “I have never seen anyone so fine.”

Phil let out a giggle. “Oh, Mr. Howell, are you attempting to charm me?” 

Dan stole another quick kiss. “It is you who have charmed me, Mr. Lester.” 

They dissolved into laughter, holding each other close and showering each other with compliments. After several minutes of this, Phil endeavored to pull Dan to his end of the boat, which set the boat to swinging violently back and forth in the water.

“Perhaps we ought to continue this on dry land,” Dan suggested with a laugh. “We appear to have soaked the bread.” 

True enough, water had splashed into the boat and ruined the bread. The men laughed at their antics, but recovered enough to row back to shore. Just before beginning the journey back to the manor, Dan gave Phil one last firm kiss that left him breathless, then gleefully rushed off down the path.

“Come on, then, Phil!” he called back.

Phil, cheeks flushed and grin ever-present, hurried to match pace. 

**Author's Note:**

> I also post to my Tumblr! See the rest of my fics [here](https://whiskersandquiff.tumblr.com/fics-masterlist)


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